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Tags: books, Comedy, short stories
Papelandia Publishing Catalog
26 Nov
Papelandia Publishing Catalog
Gringo Guides
A Gringo Guide to Living in San Miguel de Allende – A complete 150 page, perfect bound book a guide, and advice for living and enjoying San Miguel de Allende as a resident or a visitor. A fun filled, Cartoon illustrated day-to-day guide with stories chronicalling the authors «Early Years» in San Miguel. Even long-term residents are guaranteed to find information they never knew before, supplied by a 50+ year Bilingual/Bicultural American resident of San Miguel. GG-101 – $20.00 plus $12.95 International S&H. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com.
…to Mexican History – A 354 page, complete History of Mexico with historic pictures. An easy read to learn the incredible history of the Republic from the Conquest until Today. The places, events, and the characters that played out their roles in one of the bloodiest histories ever recorded. Interspersed throughout are accounts of events taking place in the U.S. and the rest of the world simultaniously to give one a sense of the time. GG-103 – $24.95 plus $19.95 International S&H. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com at a considerable discount.
…to the Mexican Revolution – A 56 page, coffee table style book with the complete, bloody history of the Mexican Revolution 1910-1921, with lots of great historic pictures. GG-105 – $16.95 Plus $6.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…to the Cristero Rebellion – A twenty-eight page book with the complete forgotten history of the Rebellion against the Calles Administration 1926-1930 in which the Pope closed the Mexican churches, and the government waged modern warfare against their own people over religious differences. hundreds of thousands of people died and a half million people migrated to the U.S. GG-106 $14.50 Plus $6.95 Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…to Witchcraft – A 30 page booklet about the practice of witchcraft in Mexico now and in the past. Implements, herbs, and spells used in Mexican witchcraft told by a 50 year resident. GG-108 $7.95 Plus $2.95 International S&P. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount (Includes the following book in the same download)
…to Pulque, Mescal, and Tequila – A 30 Page booklet about these spirits from production to imbibing. The History surrounding the discovery and modern production. GG-109 $7.95 Plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com at a discount. (Includes the previous book in the same download)
…to a Bullfight, a Mexican Rodeo, and a Cock Fight – A twenty eight page book that serves as your personal guide to these Mexican sports events. Describing the tradition, the culture, and the mechanics of the events to promote understanding of them. GG-107 $14.50 Plus $6.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…to a Mexican Kitchen – A full 200 pages of time honored, traditional Mexican Recipes, with food and food preparation glossaries. Hundreds of Full-Color pictures, and it’s spiral bound for the cook’s convenience. The book Includes Party Snacks, Gala Banquets, and Mexican Adult Beverages too. GG-102 – $24.95 plus $18.95 International S&H. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, for a considerable discount.
…to: Salsas y Chilies – A 28 page booklet with everything you should know about chilies, and naming the most popular Mexican variaties. Including how to prepare them. Seventeen delicious recipes for Salsa with full-color pictures. GG-102-A – $7.95 plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
…to: Mexican Beverages – A 28 page booklet to Non-alcoholic, and alcoholic beverages alike. Recipes from teas; coffee; hot chocolate; punches; egg nog; cold thirst quenching, cooling drinks and fruit ades to 27 different, popular, alcoholic ones. GG-102-B – $7.95 Plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
…to Soups and Salads – A 28 page booklet wth 10 delicious recipes for popular Mexican soups and 11 scrumptious Mexican recipes for salads including full-color pictures. GG-102-C – $7.95 Plus $2.95 Internat. Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
…to Mexican Desserts – A 24 page booklet with 20 fabulous recipes for some of the most popular and delicious recipes of Mexican desserts. GG-102-D – $7.95 Plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for $9.99
…to Throwing a Mexican Fiesta – A 24 page booklet with 5 delicious Mexican recipes for appetizers, botanas; 11 great recipes for Mexican dips and spreads; and 8 wonderful, time-saving recipes for Mexican microwaves treats. GG-102-E $7.95 Plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
Walking Tours
Walking Mexico’s Colonial Heartland – A full 123 pages of History – Legends – Step-by-Step Walking Tours of the world famous Spanish Colonial cities of: San Miguel de Allende; Guanajuato; Querétaro; and the history of Mineral de Pozos, the Ghost Town. These are 450 + year old cities protected and preserved in the Spanish Colonial style of the XVII and XVIII centuries. They are living, breathing cities, full of life and culture, but mysteriously silent about their history and legends. With this book you will appreciate fully your visit to them. WT-101 – $10.00 plus $12.95 International S&H. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
Walking Tours of San Miguel de Allende – A 30 page book of the History, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460 year old Spanish Colonial city, a National Monument. The booklet has a four-color, slick cover suitable for saving as a souvenier, and includes lots full-color pictures. WT-102 – $16.50 Plus $6.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
San Miguel’s History – A twenty-four page booklet of the history of San Miguel de Allende from the settlement through the War for Independence with historic pictures. WT-101-A – $7.95 Plus $2.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com.
…of Guanajuato – A 30 page book of the History, Legends, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The legends are authentic, and have been handed down generation after generation.The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-103 – $16.50 Plus $6.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…of Santiago de Querétaro – A 30 page book of the History, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-104 – $14.50 Plus $6.95 Int. Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a big discount.
…of Morelia: The City of Music – A 30 page book of the History, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-105 – $14.50 Plus $6.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble at a discount.
…of Puebla de Los Angeles – A 30 page book of the History, Legends, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The legends are authentic, and have been handed down generation after generation.The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-106 $14.50 Plus $6.95 Int. Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…of Taxco de Alarcon – A 30 page book of the History, Legends, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The legends are authentic, and have been handed down generation after generation.The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-107 – $14.50 Plus $6.95 Intnational Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…of San Luis Potosí – A 30 page book of the History, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The booklet has lots of full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-108 – $14.50 Plus $6.95 Intnational Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…of Zacatecas – A 30 page book of the History, Legends, and Step-by-Step instructions for touring this 460+ year old Spanish Colonial city. The legends are authentic, and have been handed down generation after generation.The booklet has lots of historic and full color pictures, and is suitable for saving as a souvenier. WT-109 – $14.50 Plus $6.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
Driving Adventures:
Day Trips From San Miguel – A 56 page coffee table style guidebook to easy one-day trips with historic and full-color pictures. Visit Acambaro, Guanajuato’s oldest city; Dolores Hidalgo, the Fountain of the Independece movement, La Luz, Guanajuato’s Other Ghost Town; Cerro de San Pedro, San Luis Potosí’s Ghost Town, and Jaral de Berrio, the ruins of an historic Hacienda. DA – 102 – $16.95 Plus $7.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…Hidalgo, and the Ancient city of Teotihuacan – A 56 page coffe table style guidebook with the history of the State, and instructions for driving around the state of Hidalgo with stops in: Huichapan, Alfajayucan, Zimápan, Ixmiquilpan, Tula de Allende, Teotihuacán, Pachuca, Mineral del Chico, Real del Monte, Atotonilco El Grande, Metztitlan, Molongo de Escamilla, Tlahuitepa, Huazalingo, and Huejutla de Reyes. with lots of full-color pictures. DA – 104 – $16.95 Plus $7.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a big discount.
…Mexico’s Colonial Ghost Towns – A 56 page coffee table style guidebook of the history and legends of: Mineral de Pozos, Gto.; Mineral La Luz, Gto.; Real de Catorce, San Luis Potosí; Cerro de San Pedro, San Luis Potosí. This book contains lots of historic and full-color pictures of these XVI, XVII, and XVIII century Silver and Gold mining cities. DA – 101 – $16.95 Plus $7.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a big discount.
…Michoacán, Touring the Tarascan Empire – A 56 page coffe table style guidebook with the history, and instructions for driving the state of Michoacán with stops in: Ihuatzio, Tzintzuntzan, Santa Clara del Cobre, Pátzcuaro, Janitzio, Zrahuén, Santiago Tingambato, Uruapan, Paricutín, and Paracho with lots of historic and full-color pictures. DA – 103 – $16.95 Plus $7.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a big discount.
…in Mexico’s Huasteca – A 56 page coffee table guide book with a complete driving tour of the Adventure and Ecotourism Paradise that is the Huasteca area of Mexico. Includes areas in the Mexican states of: Tamaulipas, San Luis Potosí, Querétaro, Hidalgo, Puebla, and Veracruz. Includes information on White water Rafting, Kayaking, Mountain Biking, Rock Climbing, Swimming, Spelunking, Hunting, Fishing, Hiking, and Camping. With lots of historic and full-color pictures. DA – 105 – $16.95 Plus $7.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
Adventure and Ecotourism
…in the Copper Canyon – A 38 page coffee table style guide book with the history, accomodations, and tours of the entire Copper Canyon System located in the State of Chihuahua. Lots of full-color pictures and Driving Adventures down into the depths of the Urique and Batopilas Canyons. AE – 105 – $16.50 Plus $7.95 International Shipping & Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Barnes and Noble.com a considerable discount.
…with Mexico’s Glittering Monarchs – A 38 page coffee table style guide book with the Complete story on the migrating Monarch butterflies. Where they are, how to get to them, and how they were found. A Driving Adventure loaded with full-color, full-page pictures. AE – 106 – $16.50 Plus $7.95 Int. S&H. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a big discount.
…in San Miguel de Allende – A 36 page coffee table style guide book with the Complete possibilities for Adventure and Ecotourism sites to visit while you’re in San Miguel de Allende with lots of full-color pictures. Includes Horseback riding, ATV Rentals, Hot Air Baloon rides, Mountain bike tours, hiking tours, touring the Botanical Gardens , and the Cañada de La Virgen pyramid. AE – 107 $16.50 Plus $7.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
…in Edward James’ Surrealistic Garden, Las Pozas, Xilitla – A 28 page coffee table style guidebook of the Surrealist Sculture garden of Edward James with lots of full-color pictures and a map of the complete site. AE – 101 $16.50 Plus $7.95 International Shipping and Handling. Order by email: wjconaway@yahoo.com, or download from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com for a considerable discount.
All of these books are available in the San Miguel de Allende Library Gift Shop, the Casa de Papel Card Shop, Garrison & Garrison bookstore, La Deriva bookstore, and for downloads Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com. Follow the author on Twitter @williamjconaway, and Facebook/williamjconaway. Join and comment with him online at: http://www.williamjconaway.com
It’ll Do – Hot Air Baloon
23 Nov
It’ll Do
Copyright William J. Conaway, 1989
Episode 12 – THE HOT AIR BALLOON
Anyone knows that hot air will rise; Thad Holtzer decided he would build a hot air balloon.We thought that it was a good idea, but his wife, Berenice didn’t. Thad is a determined person. He worked a farm for his dad, east of Cherryville. It wasn’t exactly the best land and it sure didn’t have all the best equipment. He was supporting his folks as well as his two kids.
He was a serious sort. Outside of stopping in for an occasional beer and going to church Wednesday nights and Sundays, he never got much recreation. We at the bar agreed that flying in a hot air balloon certainly came under the heading of recreation!
“Thad, buddy, you don’t know jack-shit about running one of those things, do you?” said J.C. as he lined out what could have been a balloon in a beer puddle on the bar”.
Nope, but it can’t be too hard to learn. I mean, what do you have to know about floating around?” He put Berenice to work sewing it. It turned out to be a patch-work quilt balloon.
Thad came into the It’ll Do on a Thursday afternoon. He said the necessaries to everyone and smiled over his dark beer.
“I figure to go up in my hot air balloon tomorrow, and I’d like for all of you to be there. You’ve always been good to me. I want you all to come to see me off”.
Mavis said that if Montgolfier could do it, she would bet that Thad could, Alice Mae cried.
In the back room J.C. was giving three-to-one that it wouldn’t get off the ground. We all agreed to meet at the farm the next morning, when it was cool and the balloon would have a better chance.
He shouldn’t have tried to take his dog, Jethro, up with him though—if he hadn’t, there might not have been any problem.
Jethro was just about as good a farm dog as a person would want—he was more-or-less yellow in color and big enough that you didn’t have to worry about him. We didn’t think he’d be any good up in the air, though. That may not be fair: as far as any of us knew he had never been further up in the air than when he jumped up to catch a fly or moth. In any case, it was Thad’s responsibility—it was his hot air balloon.
When the sun came up Thad had already laid out his hot air balloon on the ground and had connected up the burner for it, his welding outfit. There were only two problems: it’s not easy to fill up a gunny sack with hot air, and it’s not easy to get a big dog, like Jethro, into it. But it got done.
So a little before noon they took off together. They went right up and drifted off to the East. Lake Fenian is over that way. Not since Vera and I had sank in the submarine has any of our crowd been out to the lake. There they went, and I want to tell you that there has never been a prettier sight in Cherryville.
Jethro was barking and Thad was standing there in the basket as proud as if he’d just had twins. Jethro, of course, didn’t know very much about flying—and he took a mind to jump out. This could have been serious, but they were directly over Lake Fenian.
We all saw Jethro go—he sailed out of the hot air balloon like he was going home and he landed in the lake, and there’s one thing about Jethro—he can swim.
When Jethro left, the balloon must have jumped up a good thousand feet. That left Thad floating around up there all alone. The last Berenice heard, he was somewhere over Nebraska.
It’ll Do – Orville and the Pool Shark
21 Nov
It’ll Do
Copyright William J. Conaway, 1989
Episode 11 – Orville
There is, as they say, more than one way to skin a cat—and I suspect that Orville knew every one of them, for Orville had been around the track a few times, and he wasn’t slow. He had managed to work the Bank out of a foreclosure property they were sure to get, and had picked up a Quarter-Section just by paying the taxes. That took a certain amount of doing.
Orville was smart but just as human as the rest of us. He proved it one afternoon when “She” walked in to the It’ll Do all very lady-like. She found her way to the pool table in really quick order. This was a fine- looking Lady, and I have no doubt that Orville was willing to give her every advantage.
After he was down about twenty dollars, his attitude changed. Her name, incidentally, was Beatrix. She came from Paris, France (she said). We wouldn’t hold that against her. Orville had a difficult time accepting one particular shot that she made where she put three balls in the pockets—one done on a second bank. To Orville, that was nearly unforgivable.
We could tell, Old Man Williams and I, that Orville wanted revenge so bad he could have bitten through a nail. At the same time, he was staring awfully hard at all the charms this lady had. He was confused. She knew this and kept on shooting like Sergeant York. Where was poor Orville to go?
He came up to the bar. “Sully,” he said, “I’m in trouble.”
“Of course you’re in trouble,” I said.
“This Beatrix, or whatever her name is, is ruining my life.”
“Come on, Orville.”
“No, she is. I need some help. You know I don’t usually go around screaming for help, but she just finished off one rack and is going after another. Instead of getting mad, I just keep looking down her dress and thinking things.”
“Well,” I said, “quit looking.”
“Sully, it’s not that easy. She does it on purpose. There’s one way you can help me out—I ask it as a friend—load the hell out of her drinks.”
Of course I didn’t load up her drinks—that wouldn’t have been any fun. Orville went back to the pool table (that had seen so many Dollars pass into his hands) just stood there and lost.
Closing time came as a Blessing—for Orville. He was probably down more than a hundred, and for a person like Orville this was a tremendous blow to his ego.
The next morning he had a talk with J.C., who was just about as good a pool shooter as he was, although Orville had a good ten years on him. Exactly what they had to say, I don’t know. Even though J.C. is a younger man, he knows a thing or two. He and Orville were competitors, but they were friends, too. He couldn’t stand by and let a stranger take advantage of his friend. He set up a rematch between this Beatrix and Orville for the next afternoon. A high stakes game with just the two of them playing.
Word got around town pretty good and the It’ll Do was about as full as it could get. I was busier than a one armed paper hanger, drawing beers when in walks Beatrix. The stage was set.
She had on a flimsy something that was guaranteed to drive Orville right up the wall. Orville took his hand-made Mother of Pearl inlaid cue stick, out of its case and delicately laid it on the pool table.
“Would you care to play for two, or five?”
She went for the whole five. What she didn’t know was that J.C. had sent all the way to Kansas City for the most expensive call-girl he could find.
Orville was ready to concentrate totally on shooting pool.
Needless to say we didn’t see Beatrix around the It’ll Do anymore after that, but Orville seemed to spend a lot more time up in Kansas City!
Mexican Revolution – Download your copy
19 Nov
Colage, Revolución Mexicana
Mexican Revolution
Excerpts from my , “Gringo Guide to the Mexican Revolution,” available for download from Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com. Printed copies on sale in San Miguel de Allende at the Biblioteca gift shop, Garrison and Garrison, and La Deriva bookstores.
Emiliano Zapata…
A young Indian by the name of Emiliano Zapata, born in Anenecuilco (Where the Waters Swirl), Morelos in 1877, began a farmers revolt in his home State.
Zapata was a respected member of his village, from a family with a long history of fighting for freedom in the War for Independence, the War of the Reform, and during the French Intervention.
Zapata had his own piece of land and had never been a peon in the hacienda system. But his strong sense of honor had been offended by the system of government in Morelos. He was interested most of all in recovering lands stolen from his neighbors by greedy land barons.
His army of white clad farmers began by storming haciendas, stealing livestock, killing the hired hacienda defenders, and disappearing back into the mountains with their plunder.
These rebellions, mostly livestock thievery to begin with, grew into armed invasions, military in spirit: A new, almost unthinkable word roared through the countryside, “Revolucion!”
These warriors called themselves by their leader’s names, Villistas or Zapatistas. This practice of naming troops for their commanders became widespread.
And…
By the spring of 1911, the uprising had begun to take fire in Sonora, Sinaloa, Durango, Puebla, Guerrero, Veracruz, Tabasco, Oaxaca, and the Yucatán.
Villa and Orozco took Ciudad Juárez, on May 9, 1911. The street-to-street battles were watched by Americans perched comfortably on rooftops, across the river, in El Paso, Texas.
Zapata’s irregular troops took the city of Cuautla, Morelos, and other guerrilla leaders or mobs began taking state capitals throughout the country.
On May 21, 1911, six months after it began, Díaz resigned. A day later he slipped away to Paris, and died there on July 2, 1915.
The defeat of Ciudad Juárez was a coup de grace to the government of General Díaz. With one lone battle won, the capture of a city of such small National importance such as Ciudad Juárez, the Revolution, initiated in November of 1910, had triumphed.
The Revolution was over, or was it?
And then…
But in the freest election ever held in Mexico, Madero and Pino Suárez were elected and on November 6, 1911, Madero was seated in the Presidential Chair. He was, however, no longer the universal and unquestioned apostle he had been. He had turned his back on many of his supporters. His policy of demobilization alienated, and created suspicion in the hearts of many of the combatants.
The working class found the freedom to organize trade unions, which then became centers for socialist propaganda. Madero had lifted the censorship of the newspapers, and they began to attack him viciously. “His program had not been economic but political,” they said. “He has no program.” And his brother, Gustavo, was heard to accuse the press of, “biting the hand that freed them”.
As soon as it became apparent that he had “no program,” his loss of popularity was catastrophic. His high-pitched voice, his nervous mannerisms, his inability to handle delegations tactfully, his shedding of tears during a public performance of Tschaikovsky’s 1812 Overture, his faith in the prophecies made at spiritual seances, his total lack of personal dignity—all this was reported in great detail and began to make him the victim of general ridicule.
“The hope that had stirred the masses with the cries for ‘Land and Liberty’ were misunderstood by the scion of wealthy land barons,” the press reported.
For Madero, his revolution had been for freedom and the restoration of the, 1857 constitution. He was convinced that the country needed a political change, not a social reform. He was not a diplomat, and he governed by feeling rather than cold calculation. The Cabinet he formed was unstable and inefficient, and the Senate, with the same members as under Díaz, opposed him. And the Camera de Duputados, although mostly Maderista, was dominated by venomous oratory against the President.
Find out what happened next by buying my, “Gringo Guide to the Mexican Revolution”….
Americans watching the Battle of Juarez
It’ll Do – George Washington Farragut
16 Nov
It’ll Do
Copyright William J. Conaway, 1989
Episode 10 – George Washington Farragut
The day George Washington Farragut announced that he was going to get married. He brought his bride-to-be, Gertrude (we didn’t know her), to the It’ll Do with him. Now, Gertrude was—I’m not going to go into details—very definitely a woman.
George wore funny spectacles and, I’d guess, was about ten pounds shy of her. George never cut much of a figure, but Lord, you’d have to admit that every damned pound of her seemed to be put in the right places.
This was fine, and we were all happy for George. We never considered that he’d date some girl, much less get married to one. Folks that hang out in the It’ll Do will up and surprise you.
There seemed to be one problem, though. Gertrude lived about ten miles out of town and she had three brothers who weren’t noted for their hospitality. The smallest of the three must have stood about 6’2 and the others went up from there. I think maybe they were Vikings. As it turned out, they didn’t think too much of George as a proper husband for Gertrude.
One of them (I don’t know which one) came into the It’ll Do while George and Gertrude were sitting there, just having a beer. This guy (I don’t know what his name was) clomped over in front of George.
“Get up, you son-of-a-bitch. Then I’m going to put you so far down that Gertrude won’t even notice you when she steps over you.”
I didn’t know whether to call Toot, or go for some of the equipment I keep under the bar.
Whatever George did, he did it pretty fast. It had something to do with this fellow’s neck.
One way or another, this Viking fell to the floor just as if he’d gotten a taste of Henry the VIII’s head-ax. Of course I called Toot and he sent Penoble over to drag this guy out of the bar. It doesn’t help trade to have a Viking stretched out on the floor in the middle of the place. George didn’t seem to be particularly disturbed and, I think, Gertrude was kind of enjoying the whole thing. I’d hate to think what would have happened if George had been wearing that old sword he sometimes carries around.
Anyway, things were getting back to normal after Penoble hauled off this hulk—until the other two brothers pushed their way in the door. I just, kind of quietly, laid my sawed-off 12 gauge on the bar. George came over and leaned on the bar.
“Put it away,” he said.
Well, I didn’t think that was a good idea, but I don’t like violence and, besides, my doctor has advised me to avoid stress. So I did. The next thing I saw was that one of the two remaining brothers was down (I suppose it was one of those neck-things again) and the last brother—6’5″, I swear— was looking over George as if he was getting ready to eat him.
“Toot, where are you when I really need you?” I asked myself.
“Alfred,” George said. “why don’t you just take your brother here home and put him to bed?”
“Not without a piece of you first,” Alfred said.
Now, this Alfred was tall and muscular and all-that. George definitely was not.
“O.K.,” George said.
The next thing I knew, this Alfred had his head sticking through my juke box. It sure couldn’t have been very comfortable for him, but it was my juke box and his head was in it!
“Sully,” George said,”I’d like another round for Gertrude and myself.”
I had to call Toot again. He was pretty understanding (although he couldn’t figure out how George had put down all three of Gertrude’s brothers) this time, he came over himself—and grabbed a free dark beer before hauling off the last two brothers across the vacant lot to the jail.
Before he left, I asked him,”Do you understand any of this?”
“Not me, that’s for sure,” Toot said, shaking his head.
Vera answered. “It’s Love, that’s what.”
It was the first time Toot or I (we did it together) gave a Bride away. I think George Washington Farragut was pleased.
Living and Writing in Mexico 